Connecting

Dear Friends at HWW,

Like most other people in North America, I have been spending more than my usual amount of time thinking about being thankful.  This happens every November, I’m sure.  I am thankful every day for my husband, my family, freedom to travel when and where I wish, my job, daily bread–food, drink and shelter.  Thinking about the many blessings I have, I remember my friends who do not live near me.  Most of my friends and family live in other cities and other states.  Staying connected with them should be a yearlong priority, not just in November. 

I stay in touch with my friends several ways. I send emails regularly.  Daily IMs with my out of state daughter help me stay in touch with her life and my grandson’s development as a toddler.  My sister-in-law sent me a message this morning asking for more details about my children than what she had gleaned from my Willow’s Cottage blog.  Someone else mentioned that she was keeping up with my activities via Facebook.  These are all great ways to stay connected. 

But sometimes, I want a more tangible connection.  That’s when I get out my note cards and pen and write a letter. In the busyness of my days, I tell myself that I do not have time during the week to ‘write’ to people.  But if I take a note card with me to work, I can grab a couple of minutes during breaks or lunchtime to pen a quick note.  I’ve found that if I give myself permission to write ’short notes’ I actually communicate with more people.  Waiting until I have time to write a long letter, I’ll probably never even start it.  Two or three paragraphs fit perfectly on a note card and I can write at least one paragraph during one work break.  Because I am gone from home three days a week, that’s three friends who will receive a personal note from me!

How about you? Can you focus on sending short notes to three people this week, reminding them of how much they mean to you all during the year and not just Thanksgiving week?

Happy Thanksgiving Week, Everyone!

Love, Willow

Family meals- a lost art?

By Judy at My Freezer is Full

A few weeks ago, I was attending an event for one of my children.  It was a ‘get to know you’ thing for a class he is taking.  The children got together in one group and the parents in another.  We drew cards and answered questions about ourselves based on what card we drew.  One of the questions I drew was “Can you name where each member of your family was last evening at 6:00 pm?”  EASY! We were all at home, eating dinner.  The other 10 or so parents were surprised. And even more surprised that, for us, eating together as a family is the rule, not the exception.  It is a very rare situation where we don’t sit down around the table together.  The ensuing discussion was interesting:  How do you do it? You have teenagers, don’t you?  You cook every night?  But you work, how do you make the time?  Isn’t that a lot of trouble?

Honestly, I felt like I was put under a microscope.  But I also felt an obligation to share how important I feel it is to sit down as a family together to eat.  There are so many benefits to eating together and it is a great time to strengthen the relationships in the family.  It is a chance to reconnect with everyone, to learn how their day was, to discuss plans for the future.  It can be a time of fun and laughter or a time of serious discussion.  We often play word games at the table and it is a great way to expand the children’s vocabulary.  One rule at our house: NO TV!  That defeats the purpose of sitting down together. Nothing kills discussion faster than the television.

There has been research done on the importance of the family meal.  Children of families who regularly eat together tend to have better academic performance. They generally consume a healthier diet and more varied nutrients.  They are less likely to get into trouble or use drugs.  Girls who eat regularly with their families are less likely to develop eating disorders.  The list goes on.

It isn’t always easy to get food on the table.  It takes planning and organization, especially on days when people are coming and going to and from events.  But it can be done and it is so worth it.  But you don’t have to believe me.  There are numerous websites out there that talk about the importance of the family meal.  Here are just a few:

http://family.samhsa.gov/get/mealtime.aspx

http://www.mealsmatter.org/index.aspx

http://www.extension.org/pages/It’s_a_Family_Affair:_Family_Mealtime_Behaviors

Be aware, many of the sites out there have corporate sponsors and promote ‘quick and easy’ prepared foods but much of the information is still good.

What’s dinner like at your house?

Love is…

by Paulette of Smith Funny Farm

…him thinking you are awesome, even when you are ridiculous.

I’ve not felt well for over a week now. Not feeling well sometimes brings a lot of things with it, and in my case one of those things has been a pretty unpleasant mood. I can pretty much ‘fake it’ at work with my boss and co-workers; I have been staying isolated when I can…not going out to lunch with anyone, not attending meetings that aren’t absolutely necessary, just staying in my office and to myself as much as I can.

Unfortunately there’s one person that can’t really get away from me. My husband. Poor guy. We live in the country, just us and our two dogs. We ride to work together, work in the same building, even on some of the same projects. A small building. We ride home together. And he’s the one person I can’t hide the moods from.

Luckily for me, he really loves me. He understands me. He doesn’t take it personally when I’m a grump. Because of his acceptance and the fact that I know he makes such an effort to help me get through it, I do try really hard to hold back, but sometimes…a lot the past week…it’s just going to come out. I’ve found myself apologizing, A LOT, for my mood.

We were walking to the car yesterday to go home from work, and he put his arm around me and said – and I’m paraphrasing here, because he said a lot – but it was on the order of ‘You don’t have to apologize to me for not feeling well. You know you don’t have to ‘act’ with me, you don’t have to try to hold it in, you can just be yourself. I’m ok with it. I want to always feel safe with me in knowing that I love you and always accept you exactly as you are every minute…just like you do for me”.

Is there anything more awesome than that? Someone that totally accepts you like you are every day. I think not. I think I’m one lucky girl.

I hope for you that you have someone like that in your life.

It takes two (or more)

I identify as a homemaker, obviously, and I glory sometimes in playing up the frilly, old-fashioned connotations thereof. I love my ruffled aprons (I love them so much that I need to make another, or see if I can talk my friend Lyd into making me one in exchange for goodies.) I wear dresses more often than not. I love the imagery of the 1950s housewife. Yeah, I’m a girly girl.

But being a homemaker in the 21st century isn’t a solely female province and I say thank goodness for that. I came home tonight to the Cat-Herder making fried rice, bread rising in the oven; he gets home a bit earlier than me and decided to get dinner started so I could write. (I’m heavy in the throes of my next book.) He does a lot of the bread-baking these days, because it’s a task he enjoys. Kneading, he says, is soothing. He likes to cook, too–certain dishes are decidedly his specialities. We both clean. Okay, neither of us clean as much as we feel should happen, but if we didn’t both pitch in, we’d be far worse off. I’m the gardener. He helps dig new beds and he mows the lawn. I’m trying to get him to let me mow the lawn, in fact, because it’s a chore he really hates, but I think he thinks of it as a man’s job. Like baking.

We’re not the only humans regularly in residence in the house. The House-Geek, a dear friend of the family, is around most weekends. (He lives in a place so small he has to go into the hall to change his mind, so he comes to us for a taste of homey goodness and the company of cats.) He largely “earns his keep” by making sure the computers are behaving, but he’ll occasionally make us something Asian and knock-your-socks-off spicy for dinner, and if the Cat-Herder’s uniforms are hung very neatly indeed, we know the House-Geek pitched in on the laundry.

The idealized 1950s housewife has her allure. Often I feel I’m falling short because I can’t “do it all,” and do it while prettily dressed and wearing heels, to boot. Honestly, though,  I’m not sure I could work outside, write, tend a garden the size of ours and do all the traditionally “female” chores.  The work of making a home, when one must work outside the home, can easily take two or more. I consider myself blessed that the guys see this.

Now if we could only train the cats to clean their own litter boxes, we’d be in great shape!

How do you divide the labor at your house?

Oh, you’re one of “those” people

by Stephanie of Going Green in So. IL

That is a phrase I hear sometimes when I’m done describing the things I like to do, the things that interest me.  Sometimes I get “You don’t seem like some tree hugging hippie!”  I usually smile, laugh and continue on. I do realize that I am an ambassador for a different path of living.   My relationship with this world  isn’t always an easy one.  It’s a world where “easy and convenient”  tend to clash with my own ideas and values.  People constantly ask me “Why do you <insert activity/project/etc> when you can just go buy it/get it at the store? 

I always ask them if they really want to know.  Sometimes this startles people but lately they actually want to know….and I tell them.  I tell them about the pride I feel in making something.  I tell them how much more nutritious our food is.  I tell them how much money we DON”T spend because we do things a certain way.  I tell them about the panic receding more quickly when some unexpected thing happens because I know we can find a way to get through it.  I tell them about the peace that you can find when you slow down, even if its just a little here and there. Usually by then even the cynical ones have lost the smirk on their faces, and almost always they are coming back to ask me where they can find out more.

Being Neighborly

from Annette at The Ward House.

When it come up my turn to write about relationships, I began reviewing the different relationships in my life; Beloved, children, parents, siblings, cousins, extended family, and . . . neighbors.

It is easy to focus on the immediate relationships of family; what about the extended relationships belonging to those with our neighbors?  I am not talking about community as that is the whole picture; this is only one of the components.

We have two neighbors that we are ‘close’ to.  Not being especially social creatures (Beloved and I), these two friendships have been a stretch for us.  One neighbor is a talented artist and is into homesteading, making due, repurposing, all the activities Beloved and I are into.  Our other neighbor is  talented in culinary, soap making, and hostessing; they are both corporate employees.  Neither neighbor really knows the other.  We look after the artist’s outside wood furnace when we go out to load ours, and I let out and feed the soap maker’s dog when she is going to be home late.  Cute recent story about the soap maker; she came over the other morning to request a cup of dog food; I had finished the food feeding the dog the night before.  Now I’ve had visions of a neighbor asking to ‘borrow’ a cup of sugar – can one really ‘borrow’ a cup of sugar?  I digress.  This simple request created such a warm and fuzzy feeling for me and I am thankful that such a relationship could exist.

These friendships are far from one-sided.  Artist watches our stove when we are away and keeps an eye on the house.  We also share seeds and she lends me her kraut-making crock.  Soap making neighbor gives me soap and let’s my  dog out if I am going to be late.  We look after each other.

Not all neighbors make good neighbors; our unique friendships would not work everywhere and with everyone.  Some people cannot be trusted with knowing where the emergency key is hidden.

If you can, greet your neighbor; there may be a great relationship in the waiting.

Making the Time

Let’s face it, we’re all busy.  It doesn’t matter if we work or not, keep a garden or not, have children or not – everyone is busy.  This level of busyness varies, of course, but I’d venture to say that everyone has trouble finding the time now and then.  We all have priorities that we try to stick too, as well.  Juggling those priorities can get a little tricky sometimes, I know.

One priority that I hold dear, and I’m sure I’m not alone in this, is making time to enjoy friends and family.  However, sometimes it gets hard to fit that in.  Dinner invitations get turned down because well the garden is overrun with weeds or the apples need to be picked before a freeze or exhaustion from a stressful work week.  Sometimes we have ideas about hosting a get together or pot luck only to find that we get the to-do list done enough to actually invite people over.  All this other stuff gets in the way of having meaningful friendships and relationships with people I hold dear from time-to-time.

I’m learning now that no matter what all that other stuff will still be there tomorrow.  I’m learning that I have to just put it all aside and make the time to spend with people I want to occupy space in my heart and life.  See, it’s the time spent with these folks that encourages me to go on, they fill my well so to speak.  Their fellowship allows me to face another day of canning apples without losing my temper or throwing a fit.  Their conversations, prayers, and kind words allow to me to face the next stressful work day or project that just doesn’t go my way.

As we get close to the holiday season, and many gathering opportunities, I’m going to put aside my notions of what must be done.  I’m going to let go of “it has to be perfect” thinking before inviting guests, I’m going to let the to-do list slide a little.  In short, I’m going to make time to put the people who make me who I am first on the list.  I’m going to quit worrying about achieving some kind of ideal about balance and instead live in harmony with much to do and still making time for love and friendship.

Facebook is the Root of All Evil

Written by Heather of Heather’s Eden

Wow! Was I surprised to see that it was already my time to write again? I had no idea. This week has gone by a bit crazily. Long hours at work means lots of things being neglected at home.

I also see that the theme this week is “relationships”. Hmmmm. That was one topic that I never anticipated writing about at this time of my life. I’m currently single, having recently split with my long-time boyfriend. I don’t have children, and I have lead a quiet life for the last 15 years that has left me with few friends to complicate my life.

And then Facebook happened. Yep, I spoke the word. FACEBOOK. When you first find Facebook, everything is good. You start connecting with old friends, catching up, planning get-togethers. You find out who got married, who got divorced– “You have HOW MANY kids?!”

You find that some of the bad kids became good adults, some of the good kids became bad adults, and a lot of people never really changed all that much.

Then things start to shift. You begin to feel as if you are back in high school again, as the gossiping starts, the whole “Do you like him? He likes you! Do you just like him, or do you LIKE like him?”-thing, and the back-biting and cattiness begins. You have to stop and think, “Wait! Am I not an adult now? I’m, like, 40 years old! What’s up with this? I thought I left this stuff behind in 1987!”

So I had all of these grandiose dreams for my Saturday. I was going to rearrange my kitchen cabinets, clean my bathroom, sweep my porch, clean cages. What did I do instead? Sit on Facebook, trying to sort out whether someone I knew was the pleasant and kind-hearted person she portrayed, or if she was blatantly lying and conniving to get my ex-husband and using Facebook to rub my face in it?

Huh? Really? Yep. Then I had an old friend from school call me and we talked for 5 hours about the ugly side of Facebook. 5 hours! Now I’m not complaining about this friend calling me, as I really did enjoy talking with her, but I am finding that Facebook is the queen of “time suckage”.

One girl I knew as a kid is playing a game on Facebook ALL DAY LONG. She has a young son, but anytime I check in she is playing this game. How must her relationship with him suffer thanks to her Facebook obsession?

How much time have you wasted on Facebook and Twitter and like-minded “social sites”? Time that would be better served with your family or taking care of your home?

Money is not the root of all evil. Facebook is really the root of all evil! You have children? You have spouses? You have LIVES? Get off Facebook! Don’t let yourself get sucked into childish concerns about who said what, who’s doing who, and what friend stabbed you in the back this week. We’re better than this! Take a stand with me!

So turn off your computer, make a date with your spouse, have dinner with the family, go work in the garden with the kids, read a book, have a tickle fight, tell a joke, mop the floors– whatever! Just get off the computer and go live life!

Me? I’m practicing what I preach and shutting Facebook down and heading out to the yard to work. Enough is enough already! Sheesh!