It takes two (or more)

I identify as a homemaker, obviously, and I glory sometimes in playing up the frilly, old-fashioned connotations thereof. I love my ruffled aprons (I love them so much that I need to make another, or see if I can talk my friend Lyd into making me one in exchange for goodies.) I wear dresses more often than not. I love the imagery of the 1950s housewife. Yeah, I’m a girly girl.

But being a homemaker in the 21st century isn’t a solely female province and I say thank goodness for that. I came home tonight to the Cat-Herder making fried rice, bread rising in the oven; he gets home a bit earlier than me and decided to get dinner started so I could write. (I’m heavy in the throes of my next book.) He does a lot of the bread-baking these days, because it’s a task he enjoys. Kneading, he says, is soothing. He likes to cook, too–certain dishes are decidedly his specialities. We both clean. Okay, neither of us clean as much as we feel should happen, but if we didn’t both pitch in, we’d be far worse off. I’m the gardener. He helps dig new beds and he mows the lawn. I’m trying to get him to let me mow the lawn, in fact, because it’s a chore he really hates, but I think he thinks of it as a man’s job. Like baking.

We’re not the only humans regularly in residence in the house. The House-Geek, a dear friend of the family, is around most weekends. (He lives in a place so small he has to go into the hall to change his mind, so he comes to us for a taste of homey goodness and the company of cats.) He largely “earns his keep” by making sure the computers are behaving, but he’ll occasionally make us something Asian and knock-your-socks-off spicy for dinner, and if the Cat-Herder’s uniforms are hung very neatly indeed, we know the House-Geek pitched in on the laundry.

The idealized 1950s housewife has her allure. Often I feel I’m falling short because I can’t “do it all,” and do it while prettily dressed and wearing heels, to boot. Honestly, though,  I’m not sure I could work outside, write, tend a garden the size of ours and do all the traditionally “female” chores.  The work of making a home, when one must work outside the home, can easily take two or more. I consider myself blessed that the guys see this.

Now if we could only train the cats to clean their own litter boxes, we’d be in great shape!

How do you divide the labor at your house?

Relaxation

By Paulette of Smith Funny Farm

Take rest; a field that has rested gives a bountiful crop.
Ovid (43 BC – 17 AD)

Isn’t it the truth? I know that for myself, when I go and go and go and don’t give myself the opportunity or permission to rest and relax I will pay for it. A headache will come along that will knock me out for awhile, I’ll get cold, a mood will come over me that is less than pleasant and I can’t shake it…there are many, many ways that I get knocked down.

One of the challenges I have had is getting my husband to understand this concept. He feels that he has to be doing something every minute. If he isn’t being productive he feels guilty. But I have been working on him. Work has been extremely busy and a bit stressful lately, and he has been going 110% during the week, then coming home and never sitting down from Friday evening until Sunday night. And he’s paying. Not feeling good. Getting down and not being able to get anything done. Uh huh. Told you so.

One thing he’s never seemed to get until now is that relaxing takes many forms. We enjoy Yoga…that is definitely relaxing. So is a bubble bath or a ½ hour in the hot tub. Or sitting on the porch with a cup of coffee and soaking in the sunshine and reading a book. But…for me, so is cooking. Almost nothing relaxes me more than getting creative in the kitchen and trying a new recipe, or making a lovely pot of soup or loaves of delicious home made bread. He had a hard time realizing that cooking is therapy, relaxation, stress relief, fun, and productive all rolled into one. That is until one day he was building something in his workshop and I suggested he try to relax a bit before the weekend was over. And he said ‘this is relaxing. This is de-stressing’. He does get it.

He said today…”so, yesterday we worked around here until 3:00 then rested and watched ballgames. That kind of worked. I feel rested today”. YES! It’s all about balance. So he agreed to do the same today. It’s 2:45 on Sunday afternoon. He’s been staining stairs and working outside. We’ll see if he can do it, stop for the day.

One of my relaxing activities today was making a big batch of Butternut Squash Soup and a pot of Split Pea Soup. A great day.

How do you do it?

It’s not quite Calgon…….

Not many of us have time to take a soak in a bath.  One of the best ways I relax is to steal away for a while into the bathroom.  Sometimes this involves me making an announcement to the household that I will be usurping it for an extended period of time.  I have a tea light oil diffuser that I put on about 10 minutes before I start the tub.  I like to use calming smells like lavender, chamomile or rosemary.  If you don’t have a burner/diffuser you can always add a couple drops to your bath water before you get in.

Sometimes I add bath salts to my bath that I’ve bought from various places but I also know a couple recipies to do my own.  I use Epsom salts and sea salts in my blends adding different essential oil blends to them.  However, like I said, sometimes you just dont have time for a bath.  What I do in those times is a little bit of cheating.  I simply find a bath/shower gel that I really like and I add some of it to the salt mix.  I mix the wet to the dry or otherwise you can end up with too much gel, a little gel goes a long way. Get it to the consistency where it is still gritty.

When I jump in the shower I allow enough water to get wet, not dripping then I shut the water off.  I grab handfuls of the mix and get to scrubbing.  Its dual purpose, getting clean and getting exfoliated all at the same time.  I spend extra time on my elbows, knees and heels and then I rinse.  It rinses pretty clean and isn’t oily like traditional salt scrubs.  If you have cuts that you dont want salt in then you can substitute sugar.  I worried about it being sticky but I used my husband as a guinea pig (he can’t stand sticky) and it passed with flying colors.

It’s a very popular concoction in the household and with my friends now.  I make quite a bit of it for friends, half of the fun is sitting around the table with them mixing up.  There is soo much variety at your fingertips.  They package up nicely for gifts.  I like to use mason jars and have even made a sampler set out of recycled babyfood jars in a basket. Time well spent both in the making and the using.

Time for fun!

Written by Maria of www.dirtundermynails.com

With all the responsibilities of homemaking and working, sometimes my time for fun gets lost in the shuffle.  It can be so hard to make fun time a priority when I feel weighed down by the chores that still need to be done.  Yes, I know that work and homemaking can also be fun, but it may not be the kind of fun that I am wanting to do, you know what I mean?

The other day I saw something that I really, really wanted to make!!  So, I put aside the laundry and let the dishes sit.

Here is a photo montage of my crafty journey.  What, Oh What, Can It Be????

First, I knitted it...

Then I felted it...

Then I dunked part of it in a glue and water mixture...

Then I set it up to dry...

Any guesses???

It’s Baby Yoda!  My young Padowan!  Anybody have a mini lightsaber??

Aren’t you glad I took the time to knit this??  I sure am!

Piggy back ride on an Ewok

What do you do for fun??

Oh, you say you want a Yoda hat of your own?  The pattern can be found here.

Facebook is the Root of All Evil

Written by Heather of Heather’s Eden

Wow! Was I surprised to see that it was already my time to write again? I had no idea. This week has gone by a bit crazily. Long hours at work means lots of things being neglected at home.

I also see that the theme this week is “relationships”. Hmmmm. That was one topic that I never anticipated writing about at this time of my life. I’m currently single, having recently split with my long-time boyfriend. I don’t have children, and I have lead a quiet life for the last 15 years that has left me with few friends to complicate my life.

And then Facebook happened. Yep, I spoke the word. FACEBOOK. When you first find Facebook, everything is good. You start connecting with old friends, catching up, planning get-togethers. You find out who got married, who got divorced– “You have HOW MANY kids?!”

You find that some of the bad kids became good adults, some of the good kids became bad adults, and a lot of people never really changed all that much.

Then things start to shift. You begin to feel as if you are back in high school again, as the gossiping starts, the whole “Do you like him? He likes you! Do you just like him, or do you LIKE like him?”-thing, and the back-biting and cattiness begins. You have to stop and think, “Wait! Am I not an adult now? I’m, like, 40 years old! What’s up with this? I thought I left this stuff behind in 1987!”

So I had all of these grandiose dreams for my Saturday. I was going to rearrange my kitchen cabinets, clean my bathroom, sweep my porch, clean cages. What did I do instead? Sit on Facebook, trying to sort out whether someone I knew was the pleasant and kind-hearted person she portrayed, or if she was blatantly lying and conniving to get my ex-husband and using Facebook to rub my face in it?

Huh? Really? Yep. Then I had an old friend from school call me and we talked for 5 hours about the ugly side of Facebook. 5 hours! Now I’m not complaining about this friend calling me, as I really did enjoy talking with her, but I am finding that Facebook is the queen of “time suckage”.

One girl I knew as a kid is playing a game on Facebook ALL DAY LONG. She has a young son, but anytime I check in she is playing this game. How must her relationship with him suffer thanks to her Facebook obsession?

How much time have you wasted on Facebook and Twitter and like-minded “social sites”? Time that would be better served with your family or taking care of your home?

Money is not the root of all evil. Facebook is really the root of all evil! You have children? You have spouses? You have LIVES? Get off Facebook! Don’t let yourself get sucked into childish concerns about who said what, who’s doing who, and what friend stabbed you in the back this week. We’re better than this! Take a stand with me!

So turn off your computer, make a date with your spouse, have dinner with the family, go work in the garden with the kids, read a book, have a tickle fight, tell a joke, mop the floors– whatever! Just get off the computer and go live life!

Me? I’m practicing what I preach and shutting Facebook down and heading out to the yard to work. Enough is enough already! Sheesh!

making time

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by Stacy of Little Blue Hen

Couldn’t we all use a few more hours in the day?

Since we moved, my husband has been working a lot of evening shifts. When he was working days and I was working evenings, we scarcely saw one another. Add to that ever-changing schedules and it gets complicated. The phrase “ships passing in the night” applied well, except that there was less passing and more sleeping in the same bed with an overlap of about four hours. We don’t have kids, so that makes it much easier, but sometimes we just plain don’t see each other!

When we’re tired and at home, we too often find ourselves in different rooms: one reading, one on the computer or in the kitchen. To combat this, we try to schedule semi-regular “fun days.” It’s hard for us to plan a regular “date night,” because we often aren’t available in the evenings. Instead, we make plans to do something fun – and often free! This is especially fun since we just moved and have lots of new sights to see. We’ve been to the zoo and the aquarium, hiked in a state park, and walked on the beach, seen museums, and picked our own fruit at a you-pick farm… or we’ve just gone to a movie. It doesn’t have to be an all-day activity, but it should be enjoyable, and preferably new! Back in Minnesota where we both lived most of our lives, we tried to find places to “play tourist” and visit places we had heard about but never been.

Usually of his two days off we reserve one for errands and reserve one for fun. We may end up at the grocery store eventually, but we have to have fun first. By prioritizing that time to relax and see each other, there is less urgency to get something done. Sometimes our fun day to-do list is just “brunch,” “nap,” and “play with cats.” If it’s on the list, you have to do it!

It took us a while to figure this out. Sometimes it was stressful to have different schedules, then we fell into the routine of never spending time together, then we realized that we never saw each other and had to figure out a way to find that time.

Do you try to schedule regular “fun” time with your family/spouse/significant other? What are some of your favorite activities and how do you make it work?

Un-technologizing

by Annette @ the Ward House

Is that even a word, un-technologizing?  You won’t find it in dictionary.com.  Trying to live more sustainably and simply has created a dilemma: how does one live simply and sustainably while still having internet and cell phones?  We are going on 3 years now without TV and none of us seem the worse for wear; take away the cell phones and, well, that will create some d.t’s.

Growing up I never had a cell phone and did not have one until about 4 years ago; that was the beginning of my dependency.  Ronnie and I have spoken many times about doing away with the cell phone plan and just keeping trac phones (pay as you go) for when we are traveling or when the girls have away games, etc.  That will become more of a reality for me as my current cell phone begins to fail.  * update, it has failed.*

I did not renew my two year contract and since this phone has died, I will be the first to move to a track phone; no texting, calling only when necessary.  Not sure how I feel about that.  Having a cell phone flies in the face of how we are trying to live and the many other lifestyle changes we have made.  Why is giving up a cell phone so difficult?  I actually feel vulnerable!

I have at least one friend in the blogosphere who just has a trac phone to use when traveling – do any of the rest of you use a trac phone?  Did you have a cell plan originally?

Relaxation

By Kathie of Two Frog Home

I don’t relax much, it’s just not in my nature.  I like to keep busy, but every now and then I need a mental health day.  I need a day to completely unplug and unwind.  I did that recently, I took a sick day and sat on my couch all day and read a book.  I read an entire book from beginning to end and at the end of the day I was completely refreshed and ready to get back to my normal life.

It’s hard sometimes to take a break, because we all feel like taking a break means we’ll get further behind on chores and work and not ever get caught up.  I know that feeling, I’ve been there and I usually end up sick and have to take a week or more to recover.  I’m learning that it’s just not worth it. 

I’m learning that one day of relaxation allows me to get more done, not less.  Relaxation allows our bodies and our minds get ready to go on.  Relaxation, allows our minds and bodies to rest and regenerate so that when we’re ready to get back to it, we can do so with vigor.  Most importantly, relaxation allows us to avoid burnout and perhaps a little illness, too.

How do you relax?  What regenerates your mind, body, and spirit, so that you can get back to life?

a perfect procrastinator

by Stacy of Little Blue Hen

Are you a perfectionist? Not sure? Here’s a quiz.

Many people who are not perfectionists think that being one means a person is likely detail-oriented and a goal-setter, great at meeting deadlines, etc. I am a huge perfectionist, and while I can do those things, often what perfectionism does is make me procrastinate. While that may seem counter-intuitive, it’s because it’s hard for me to even start a project until I can do it perfectly. Even this blog post, which I am writing about myself required several searches for links, quizzes, and other information because without additional information, it wouldn’t be good enough.

Perfectionists see mistakes as failures. When a non-perfectionist burns something in the oven, it’s a learning experience: “The recipe said 40 minutes, it should be 30,” “My oven temperature might be off,” “Oops.” If a perfectionist does it, “I should have checked it sooner, I should have checked the oven temperature, it’s my fault for messing it up.” While the non-perfectionist may just try the recipe again another time, the perfectionist will likely never touch it for fear of failing again.

While I know that I have these tendencies, I try to overcome them. However, in a new city, I’m finding myself caving in to them a bit more. Unpacking? What if I don’t like where it goes? Decorating? What if I make the wrong choice and don’t like it? Getting lost (inevitable in a new place) is very frustrating to me. You can see how this can cross over from “meticulous” into “paralyzing.”

So what can you do?

Become aware of your tendencies in order to overcome them. Instead of worrying about getting lost going to a new place, I try to tell myself that I am “exploring the neighborhood and learning my way around.”

Break tasks down into smaller pieces. The concept of “cleaning” can conjure up the image of an entire immaculate house. By setting a smaller, manageable goal of dusting, tackling one room, or setting a timer for just 15 minutes, it become achievable instead of overwhelming.

Check yourself when criticizing others. Perfectionists hold themselves to impossible standards, but often apply them to other people, too. Don’t expect everyone to meet those same, unrealistic expectations (especially children). Finding ways to praise and compliment other people can help you see the positives of your own activities.

Let yourself fail. This one is hard. But try to reflect on what you learned versus feeling guilty for messing up.

Here are a few more informative links:

• Ten Telltale Traits of a Perfectionist and Overcoming Perfectionism
• Overcoming Perfectionism
• Perfectionism
• Five Tips for Overcoming Perfectionism

Now, just for the non-perfectionists (let’s call them “normal people”), if you see these traits in people close to you, think about this information when dealing with them. If they get upset by a minor imperfection, point out what’s good. If they criticize you unrealistically, point out that such a high expectation isn’t reasonable. And try to understand why they are frustrated instead of blowing off their concerns as ridiculous (even if it is).

Are you a perfectionist? If not, do you live with one? Were you raised by one (or more)? What are your tips for dealing with it?

The perfect cup of tea

Congratulations to One Acre Homestead.  You are the winner of the Tea Time contest and will be receiving your Tea Care Package from me shortly!

Now, for a mini-class in “tea” making.

Supplies you will need:

¨     Teapot or other means of heating water (glass or stainless steel are preferable as other metals can react with the herbs)

¨     Strainer, mesh tea bag, tea ball, cheesecloth or other means of straining out the herbs

¨     Tea cup (you can also use a mason jar which can be easily closed during the steeping process)

¨     Mason jars or other storage containers

¨     Honey or other sweetener (if desired)

Tea:

A tea is made by steeping a small amount of herbs (1-2 tsp.) in hot water for a few minutes.  This is commonly how commercial teas are made, and most commonly what we make at home.  If you want a little more bang from your herbal teas, leave it in the water for 10 minutes instead of 2, and cover it up while it’s steeping to keep the good stuff from evaporating off.

For medicinal benefits from our water preparations, we generally look to Infusions and Decoctions.  These are both basically teas that are left to steep longer, extracting more of the medicinal properties of the herbs.

Infusion:

Infusions are generally made from the aerial parts of plants (leaves, flowers, fruits) and those parts with volatile oils (fennel seed and valerian root are examples). An infusion can be made hot or cold (called a maceration).

A hot infusion:

• Bring water to a boil.
• Measure out 1 Tablespoon of dried herb, or 2 Tbsp. fresh herbs.
• Pour one cup of boiling water over your herbs and steep, covered.
• For aromatic plants steep for 10-15 minutes’ for non-aromatic leaves and flowers steep for 30-60 minutes; for woody plants and soft roots steep 1-4 hours.
• Strain and squeeze out the plant parts, sweeten if you like, and enjoy your herbal infusion!

A cold infusion or Maceration:

• Measure out 1 Tablespoon of dried herb, or 2 Tbsp. fresh herbs.
• Pour one cup of cold water over your herbs and steep, covered for 1-4 hours, or even over night.
• Strain and squeeze out the plant parts, sweeten if you like, and enjoy your herbal infusion!

Decoction:

Decoctions are made from roots, barks and non-aromatic seeds.

• Place one ounce of herb in a pot and cover with 1 quart of cold water.
• Cover the pot and bring the water to a boil.
• Lower the heat and simmer the herbs for 20-30 minutes (longer if you are working with a lot of hard, woody herbs).
• Take off the heat and allow the decoction to cool a temperature tolerable to touch.
• Strain and squeeze out the plant parts, sweeten if you like, and enjoy your herbal decoction!

Teas, Infusions and Decoctions are for immediate use and should be kept for no longer than 24 hours (in the refrigerator) before discarding.

Mixing up your own perfect blend of herbal teas takes time and experience.  It’s not that it’s hard to do, it’s just that you need to get to know your herbs, their flavors, smells, and how they affect you.  If you are new to herbs, there are lots of herbalists out there who are creating fun herbal tea blends that you can start experimenting with.  Blessed Botanicals and  Summit and Spice Tea Company are a nice place to start looking for your perfect tea (no, I don’t get any kick backs from them.  I just like their stuff)

Have fun!