by Joanna of Keeping Feet
This weekend, my husband made the comment to me, “You can’t do everything, you know.”
I quickly retorted “I don’t do everything. I just work full-time and keep the house and a garden. Lots of people are able to do that!” (And I was thinking “And I should be able to, too!“)
My husband’s comment stemmed from the fact I was once again complaining about how overrun my garden is with weeds. As we drive around our suburban area, I see so many neat gardens, full of perfect rows, without weeds, plants all bigger and prettier than mine. Yes, I’m growing things organically, and, no, I can’t spend much time during the week tending the very large garden, and, yes, I got seeds started later than I ought so everything small. Enough with the excuses.
My husband elaborated, “And you want to sew, and knit, and cook from scratch, and take care of the church library, and read a big pile of books, and blog in 4 different places. And you always get mad at yourself when you can’t do it all.”
His words resonated. I thought back to my high school years- when I was “busy” on purpose, and took pride in my packed schedule. Even then, I was lectured by my parents about not “doing it all,” but instead picking and choosing what is important to me. So what is important to me now?
My husband feeling loved and cared for
My friends feeling welcome in my home
My actions being loving toward my neighbor and gentle on the earth
How does keeping the garden weed-free or the house dust-free fit into those goals? They are tangential at best. So why do I feel like such a failure when I can’t accomplish these tangential things, but my core goals of caring for my husband, home, friends, etc. are still on track?
It boils down to the Comparison Game. I see my friends who are, in my eyes, able to “do it all” (except, they don’t work at all. And feed their kids McDonalds. Or keep a smaller garden. Or have a spouse home to help. Or … you get the idea.) I try to keep up with the Do-It-All ladies, not realizing that they don’t do it all, either. I shouldn’t expect to be able to.
I am not Super Woman.
I just need to keep reminding myself of that. Because sometimes I try to be.
Those of us with perfect gardens (ha!)-meaning no weeds-are probably retired with no kids needing attention, and husbands with hobbies, etc.
This is one weedless gal who admires those that do all they do. I’m in awe …..
Great post. And one I can certainly relate to.
Things I let slide:
1. The house. At this time of year, the house is routinely a disaster- giant chunks of mud in the carpet, clean laundry in a big pile on the floor, dishes put away only when absolutely needed. The dining room table, at this very moment, is covered in farming records, junk mail, seed packets, a tray of seedlings, a bucket of flowers, a produce scale, and dirt.
2. The garden, to a point. The garden is my job (I’m a farmer), but the two-year-old prevents me from keeping it weed free by any means (and it’s an acre..) So, I try to at least keep it so that I can tell where the plants are.
3. My No TV for Two Year Olds rule: We watch a video or 2 almost every day so that I can get customer email and CSA newsletters and other computer-things done.
4. Fresh Home cookin’ – Most cooking gets done on the weekends. We eat leftovers, sandwiches, or really, really easy meals during the week. During non-busy times of year I cook a lot better.
5. Reading, knitting, etc- all this stuff is winter-only around here. I read toddler stories, does that count??
6. My caffeine-free rule- I’m back to 1 green tea per day. Getting up at 5:30 AM to garden before it’s too hot and before my spouse leaves the house makes it really helpful to have that mid-morning zap of caffeine.
I do vacuum, on rainy days.
Reading toddler stories definitely counts. My kids are 4 and 6 and it wasn’t until this year that I allowed myself to start reading my own books as well as theirs. It has been worth it, allow it is to the deteriment of my house cleaning
Oh and I highly recommend Todd Parr books!
Certainly something I struggle with too. Weed free just isn’t going to happen here. I try to break my time into segments getting done what I can in the segment committed to garden, house, and other responsibilities. Sometimes good enough just has to be good enough….
Oh yeah, I’m bad at being super woman! Like you, I sometimes try but my house is a pit (both of them!), my garden is weedy and we ordered a pizza last night. But my family is happy and healthy, we’re moving ahead on our dreams and still trying to introduce two new cats to a very large dog.
I sometimes look at my sister-in-law and feel bad in comparison, but then I remind myself that her children are all grown and out of the house, she works part time, she has a housekeeper come in once a week and they have someone mow the lawn. Maybe that’s why she can do lots of crafty stuff, entertaining (on a grand scale) and gourmet cooking. I just have to keep reminding myself that it’s OK to not do it all.
Superwoman doesn’t exist. But a lot of super women do. Count yourself in.
I know that I have been feeling a bit guilty in that I haven’t, say, swept/cleaned my floors, I haven’t really done a cleaning of my kitchen…. I haven’t done a lot of things. But work has been crazy this week, I’m trying to keep my sanity, and those things just have gone to the side. I wish that guilt wasn’t there, but sometimes thinking of the things that I *have* been doing (that kept me from doing the “shoulds”) makes me feel a bit more accomplished…. I think that focusing on what we can do might help to realize that what we haven’t isn’t that large in comparison.
This was an excellent reflection, Joanna. Thanks. I think I’ll send it to April. I know she feels overwhelmed sometimes too.
I really enjoyed this Joanna. It seems like a reminder we all need to hear every once in a while!