by Kathie of Two Frog Home
I think we’re bombarded with images of the woman who does it all constantly. It seems to be everywhere, even if you avoid alot of the mass marketing going on out there, I’m willing to bet you know the image I’m talking about: the woman who has a fabulous career, perfectly mannered & behaved children, keeps a spotless garden, and floors so clean you could eat dinner off them – she’s never tired and does it all without so much as a hair of out place and in heels and pearls. I have no qualms saying that I believe that woman to be a mythical creature brought to life by marketers to guilt us into buying products we don’t need.
I’m learning that I need to let that mythical creature go and rid myself of all those perfectionist fantasies. There is so much I want to do and accomplish on a daily basis and I want it all to be perfect and I want to be kind and beautiful in the process. I fall short, much of the time. I’m learning, however; that I need to focus on what’s most important and go from there:
- Is it really most important that the floor be perfectly spotless or is it most important that I sit on the porch drinking a beer while dreaming with my husband?
- Is it more important to have a completely weed-free garden and no time to read for pleasure or can I live with some weeds and have time to read?
- Is it more important that get rest that I need for that important project at work or should I stay up late washing walls?
I think most of us know and realize that our relationships with our loved ones should take priority, but I also know that often it gets shifted down a level or two when we feel pressure to be the woman who does it all. So for today, I’m going to be ok with having chipped toe-nail polish and not wear sandals to work and I’m going to accept the garden as it is (weeds and all) and I’m also going to have a fabulous home cooked dinner with that sweet man of mine and be grateful for all of it. I won’t dwell in the land of perfectionism where I never measure up, but rather I’ll thrive in reality which might not be as neat but its 100 times more thrilling. I hope you’ll join me.
PS: I’m fully aware that men can be homemakers too, its just that I don’t see that image of the man who does it all in advertisements, tv, etc. as I do the woman…
Hear, hear! I couldn’t agree more Kathie. I need to do constant ‘gut checks’: Why am I doing this -because i want to or because I ’should’? Sometimes the shoulds get so unmanagable-I just stop and can’t even do the things I WANT to do. Here is to more reasonable expectations! Kris
Finding priorities in the face of so much “perfection imagery” is a hard battle. As Kris said, answering the question of want-to or should is often a struggle because the ’should’ part is blazoned into the conscious part of the mind, but in the honest gut moments the ‘want’ can come through. Yet I struggle with the knowledge that (at least at this point), some of the things I want to do just aren’t possible unless I do what I ’should’ do – or at least, have to do as a practical matter to make the ‘want to’ portions possible. It becomes overwhelming quickly.
Thank you!
(I have a post planned called Triage. Title says it all.)
PS: I’m amused and frightened that one of the automatically generated “possibly related posts” is called “Tricking Hubby into Fatherhood” and another is about Sarah Palin. Kind of random, no?
Oh my, I hate those. I got rid of that feature (I should have sooner)… they are incredibly random.
I’m with you Kathie. Wonder woman I am not, though the ‘world’ says I must be. *bleck*
Wow, so, if you read the post I have scheduled for tomorrow, it’s this post, almost verbatim. And I wrote it over a week and a half ago. Maybe I should rethink my topic? I guess it goes to show how much we have in common!
I wholeheartedly agree!
Joanna, Oh no, that’s ironic and I figure it might be how alot of us homemakers who work who also garden are feeling these days. I don’t think you should rethink, leave your post, I look forward to reading your thoughts on the same subject.
[...] also letting it go over at Homemakers Who Work today. [...]
Kathie,
I know I have struggled with this and in the past I’ve put off doing things with my kids to ’spring clean’ or whatever. There is a balance and we have to find out what our balance is. My house is ‘good enough’ and I’m learning to be ok with that. It’s the ‘why don’t you work fulltime? you can add this to your schedule’ issues from others that put pressure on me.
This is my first visit to this site. WOW – This post is especially good, practical, common sense that anyone can follow. Thanks, peace for all